In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
