i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
