What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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