Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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