i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
