fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
