what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
