Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
