so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
