There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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