Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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