Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
