This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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