But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
