i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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