I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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