Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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