Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
