Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
