Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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