Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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