How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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