Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
