just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She needs sedatives and a leash
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
