i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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