We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
