So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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