It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
