try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
