her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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