You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
