The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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