I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
