You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
