Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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