I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
