I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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