Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
