Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like death gave me a hand job
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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