me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
