the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
