I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
