I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
