Kiss
Puke
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
