i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
