and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
