im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
