I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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