My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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