listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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