mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
