Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
